Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
