I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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