Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
