Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
