In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize