Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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