i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
