What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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