Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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