wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
