after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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