whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
