you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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