please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
