THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
