I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
