remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
