were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize