hotel room ftw
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she peed on how many people?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
