I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
