Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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