WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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