sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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