I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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