Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
