he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
