I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
