I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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