i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
