do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
