Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
