ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
