well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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