i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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