my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
