All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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