Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
