dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
there was a trapeze. enough said
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
