I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
