i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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