Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
