I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
