omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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