We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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