And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize