just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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