I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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