Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
