That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
