Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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