Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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