You really coming over, don't trick.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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