I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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