It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
