Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize