Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
