He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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