Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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