Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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