sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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