why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
