I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize