just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize