Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
