i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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