When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
