Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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