Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
