Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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