He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
