Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
