Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We just shotgunned beers for America
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
