he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
