And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
