Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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