I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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