But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
