Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
