I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
