At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
