So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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