sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
