I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize