they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
