Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize