i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
