I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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