peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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