Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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