i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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