and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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