He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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