I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
