Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
