where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
