So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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