No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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