You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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