how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
