Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
