the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
