The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
