3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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