suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
