I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The Olympian is in my bed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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