I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
