Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize