how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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