your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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